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producer's statement - Colin A. Weil
My own meth journey began in the fall of 2001. Gay, single, 35,
recently downsized, post-9/11…all the facts I needed to convince
myself a little distraction via sex & drugs was just the thing.
For the better part of the next two years I replaced my entire social
system with a secret life of sex & meth, with men I hardly knew.
As I struggled with meth’s intoxicating grip, risked my health,
my apt, my career, my therapeutic dialog centered around the questions:
“What am I really risking? What am I getting? And why does
it matter?”
Over time, the dynamics of the questions shifted, the risks loomed
larger, and the rewards dissipated. At the same time, my closest
friends and family began to ask more firmly if I was “ok,”
and soon “how can I help?” Their love and support was
a critical piece of my return to shore. As I processed this experience
and my narrow escape, I often asked “Why me?” The answer,
as a filmmaker, seemed to lie in somehow using the medium to help
my brothers in peril, so perhaps they could learn from the experiences
of others without having to risk their own lives. As Eric’s
mother says in the film “Nobody wants to be an addict –
there’s a reason behind it.”
When I approached Joe Lovett about covering this growing story,
he put me together with director Jay Corcoran, and away we went.
Almost two and a half years later, “ROCK BOTTOM – GAY
MEN & METH” premieres at NewFest. At home here in New
York City.
As a longtime AIDS activist I’ve always understood the challenges
of telling truths that everyone hears the way you’d like them
to. Each of us listens with a filter honed through years of personal
experience and intimate influences…at the same time there
are some ultimate truths that everyone needs to somehow get behind
if we’re going to stop the spread of HIV before there is a
cure. I hope that “Rock Bottom” becomes a meaningful
part of the dialog that our community must engage if we are going
to reverse the trends, both meth use and HIV infection.
Clearly, there are many many gay men who seem to share some common
reasons why trading their perfectly ok if not thrilling day-to-day
lives for a sex/drug addiction seems like an ok idea. We hope that
“Rock Bottom” begins to open the conversations not just
about the drug, or the sex, but the “why?”
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Rock
Bottom - Gay Men & Meth